Highly Sensitive People (HSPs)
and Maintaining Boundaries
“You’re too sensitive!”
Have you heard that before… maybe with an eye roll to let you know that you’re weird, too?
Weird for thinking that everything’s just… too much!
Scents are too strong…
Noises are too loud…
Lights are way too bright…
There’s too much happening at once…
“Why can’t I keep up with everyone else?”
When you’re overwhelmed all the time, you can’t help but ask yourself.
Some places are so full of stimulation that you may even avoid them altogether.
After being at a social gathering or grocery store, you probably want to crawl into bed, turn out the lights, and pull the covers over your head just to “tune it all out.”
You don’t know why you leave social settings early, and you aren’t sure how to even explain this to others.
Prioritizing others’ needs above your own…
It’s just what you do.
You take emotionally draining calls from friends and family and receive little support from them in return.
“Overcommitted” is your natural state of being. You don’t want to go to that social commitment… that loud party or concert… but you also don’t want to let down your friends. So, you go anyway, knowing that you’ll spend the next few days feeling like a bulldozer ran you over.
You’re a “yes person” – so much so that even the thought of saying “no” evokes a visceral response. The fear of disappointing someone is so much worse than your discomfort if you just go along.
The result? Boundaries don’t get set. In fact, you don’t even try. It’s just too uncomfortable.
If what I have said so far resonates with you…
You might have a sensory processing sensitivity trait (SPS).
SPS is not a mental health disorder, so I don’t treat it like one. And there’s certainly nothing wrong with sensitivity!
Unfortunately, mainstream American culture doesn’t have much room for it. It celebrates a hard work ethic (which isn’t necessarily bad). Our worth is often defined by how well we perform while keeping up with other responsibilities like parenting, household chores, etc. Culturally, we also place value on prioritizing individual needs above others.
This is hard for HSPs because we’re simply not wired that way. HSPs need more self-care to do what everyone else does simply because our nervous systems aren’t the same. We also see “the big picture” and the needs of the greater good over our individual needs.
So, HSPs have special gifts and strengths, but they’re often misunderstood by others and have trouble setting boundaries and advocating for themselves.
Overcoming the adversity of being an HSP…
There is no specific method for working with HSPs.
Why? Because, as I mentioned, it’s not a mental health disorder. However, many therapeutic techniques can address some of the challenges that come with the trait.
What you need is a therapist who can adapt therapeutic techniques to meet the needs of HSPs.
As a skilled mental health professional and an HSP myself, I know how to help you reframe negative thoughts and beliefs about your sensitivity. I can also help you regulate the intense emotions that often come with being an HSP. Setting boundaries will be a big part of this.
It’s also important to heal any past wound you might have from being an HSP. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a specific form of therapy designed to help you find peace in those adverse experiences. For more information, check out my page on EMDR.
You CAN live a happy and healthy life!
But you’ll need a therapist who can work with you through the lens of being an HSP.
I invite you to put yourself first for a change…
Give me a call for a free phone consultation: (970) 599-1539.